After reading Draz's post about her Watermelon, I decided I wanted to do a post from a really deep place where I don't look very often.
I was bullied a lot when I was a kid. At home, I was terrorized and brutalized. I tried to stay invisible and non-existent. as much as possible. At school, I was the kid who was afraid to talk. I was smart, but afraid to show it. I again tried to stay invisible and non-existent. My first instance of bullying was from a teacher. She would make really mean comments about me. And when my dad had broken my arm and I couldn't write, she threatened to fail me. I would write through the pain and she would fail the papers calling them illegible. That was the only time my mom stuck up for me. She threatened my teacher with breaking her arm so she could see how it felt. Not the best solution, but it meant the world to me.
The next time, it was another student. She was horrible to me. She made comments about me to her friends, called me names, threw stuff at me. So, her friends started too. Then her favorite teacher got in on the act. I was in her class and she would belittle me in front of other students, send me to the office for reasons I didn't understand. Who was I to speak up, it was just another adult hitting me. But at least Mr. C was nice about it. I know that sounds weird, but I never felt small when I left his office.
This went on for years. Several times, I thought of ending it all. Once I tried and failed. I had told someone at school I wouldn't be back anymore because I was going to kill myself. They said good.When I had to go back the next day because the pills I took didn't work, they made fun of me. It was the worst time of my life. I have been in many situations that were bad, but that era really hurts. Still, to this day. And no one knew, or cared.
Bullying is real, it tears you down in a very real, deep, painful way. It is something that 30 years later, it is still the scab that get pulled off if touched in the slightest way.
I was bullied a lot when I was a kid. At home, I was terrorized and brutalized. I tried to stay invisible and non-existent. as much as possible. At school, I was the kid who was afraid to talk. I was smart, but afraid to show it. I again tried to stay invisible and non-existent. My first instance of bullying was from a teacher. She would make really mean comments about me. And when my dad had broken my arm and I couldn't write, she threatened to fail me. I would write through the pain and she would fail the papers calling them illegible. That was the only time my mom stuck up for me. She threatened my teacher with breaking her arm so she could see how it felt. Not the best solution, but it meant the world to me.
The next time, it was another student. She was horrible to me. She made comments about me to her friends, called me names, threw stuff at me. So, her friends started too. Then her favorite teacher got in on the act. I was in her class and she would belittle me in front of other students, send me to the office for reasons I didn't understand. Who was I to speak up, it was just another adult hitting me. But at least Mr. C was nice about it. I know that sounds weird, but I never felt small when I left his office.
This went on for years. Several times, I thought of ending it all. Once I tried and failed. I had told someone at school I wouldn't be back anymore because I was going to kill myself. They said good.When I had to go back the next day because the pills I took didn't work, they made fun of me. It was the worst time of my life. I have been in many situations that were bad, but that era really hurts. Still, to this day. And no one knew, or cared.
Bullying is real, it tears you down in a very real, deep, painful way. It is something that 30 years later, it is still the scab that get pulled off if touched in the slightest way.
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4 comments:
Honey - I'm sorry. I hope that in the smallest of ways your pain can be eased a bit by knowing that your advice to me helps a little girl not have to go through what you did. I sincerely appreciate your comments - especially knowing it brings up painful memories for you. You are not invisible anymore - and your story and your voice needs to be heard over and over until you feel you've healed. You did nothing to deserve those things done to you and I hope karma bit them all in the ass. You are worth more than all of them combined. And if I was there back then - I would have rescued you - because you would have deserved it. I hope you know that now. And I am ever grateful you didn't take your life...your place here in blogland is necessary and I'm grateful for it. Take care...and thank you again.
I'm beyond sorry for what you have had to go through. You didn't deserve it and I hope your tormentors continue to live with shame for their actions. I cannot even imagine everything it has taken for you to write this post. I can say that I'm so happy you weren't successful with the pills, because I am glad you are here with us. Big hugs, Stacey!
I'm sorry you had to go through all of this, sweetie, but you never have to be invisible again with all of us in your corner! *hugss!*
It is so upsetting when I hear about bullying. It can take many forms and, unfortunately, it's even easier today with the electronic methods available like texting, facebook and emailing. I had some minor teasing about my weight when I was younger from classmates and it is still with me.
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