Olaf got the results from his echo the other day. He forgot to tell me. Seriously? Everything was fine, his heart does not have a hole. But they do want to run non-fasting glucose tests on him to see why his blood sugar plummets like it does. This is something he has dealt with all of his life and we both just carry glucose tablets for just in case.
Last night we were talking about how I cannot seem to take a compliment. This was pointed out by a co-worker yesterday. She comes up to me and says "You are getting so skinny. I mean skinny." My response? "No I'm not, I have a LONG way to go." She told me that no, I don't really have much further to go and I need to see that in myself and take a compliment. I told Olaf about this and his response was "Yes you do."
About an hour later, I am upstairs reading and he comes up and lays down on the bed. Says " I know I am really bad about saying it but...I am really proud of the work that you have done, the weight you have lost and think you look fantastic." My response to that? "Um, thanks?" He says "What?" Me? "I'm waiting for the..But..." I just don't get it. I still see a big stomach, thunder thighs and a massive badonkadonk. I hate that no matter what I look like, how much work I do or how much progress I make I still am the fat girl who needs to hide to make sure no one makes fun of her. It sucks. When I get into 8's and 10's, I justify it with "Its because they are stretchy" I bought a pair of pants when I got back, they were 4's. I know that is definitely not a true size, but I should see that as not a mistake of a 22 being marked as a 4. But that is exactly how my mind thinks. Man, they are way off on sizing. Ugh.
Does this ever get better?
I have a dr appt today. When I was in Chicago, I woke up with one toe on each foot numb. I have had back problems for years now because of my clumsiness (I broke it) and another accident. But this past week, it has gotten so bad that at times I wake up in tears. I can't get comfortable awake or asleep and have been living on Vicodin. I cannot keep doing this. I hope they will figure out some kind of pain management that does not include me being doped up all the time.
Blerg, this is a whiny post. I didn't start off with that in mind. I tend to type what I think and not actually plan anything. So, these are my thoughts at large.
Last night we were talking about how I cannot seem to take a compliment. This was pointed out by a co-worker yesterday. She comes up to me and says "You are getting so skinny. I mean skinny." My response? "No I'm not, I have a LONG way to go." She told me that no, I don't really have much further to go and I need to see that in myself and take a compliment. I told Olaf about this and his response was "Yes you do."
About an hour later, I am upstairs reading and he comes up and lays down on the bed. Says " I know I am really bad about saying it but...I am really proud of the work that you have done, the weight you have lost and think you look fantastic." My response to that? "Um, thanks?" He says "What?" Me? "I'm waiting for the..But..." I just don't get it. I still see a big stomach, thunder thighs and a massive badonkadonk. I hate that no matter what I look like, how much work I do or how much progress I make I still am the fat girl who needs to hide to make sure no one makes fun of her. It sucks. When I get into 8's and 10's, I justify it with "Its because they are stretchy" I bought a pair of pants when I got back, they were 4's. I know that is definitely not a true size, but I should see that as not a mistake of a 22 being marked as a 4. But that is exactly how my mind thinks. Man, they are way off on sizing. Ugh.
Does this ever get better?
I have a dr appt today. When I was in Chicago, I woke up with one toe on each foot numb. I have had back problems for years now because of my clumsiness (I broke it) and another accident. But this past week, it has gotten so bad that at times I wake up in tears. I can't get comfortable awake or asleep and have been living on Vicodin. I cannot keep doing this. I hope they will figure out some kind of pain management that does not include me being doped up all the time.
Blerg, this is a whiny post. I didn't start off with that in mind. I tend to type what I think and not actually plan anything. So, these are my thoughts at large.
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6 comments:
Wow, I hope you get some relief with your back. And, when I met you in Chicago, fat was the farthest thing from my mind. In fact, I find it hard to beleive that you were ever heavy. You look great...pictures are a good way to see the truth, and there are lots of good ones out there of you from the Boobs trip!
I think it is hard for us to see the changes in ourselves. Even when I do for a moment, something hits me and I go back to thinking it was just a trick or lighting or something. I hope that time will help us. You deserve to see the change in you!!
Big hugs! Hope your back feels better soon. That doesn't sound fun. :(
You are awesome. And the first thing I thought to myself when I met you at the airport was "wow, she's skinny". So even though you aren't able to see it yet, just know it is there ... or not, as the case may be :)
You are tiny! I think you need to get yourself a full-length mirror (if you don't already have one!), it's been helping me see the changes. :)
That is exactly how I blog, as it comes to me. No thought process at all.
Um, I just wanted to inform you, it is raining cookies on your blog! Man, what a day that would be!
I can't believe he FORGOT to tell you he got the results! Such a guy thing!
You are gorgeous, and very tiny! But I also know what you mean about compliments. I can not take them at all. I have finally gotten myself, most of the time, to respond with a "thanks", my next step is to actually believe the compliment, and not feel it is just being said!
I really hope your back is better. I have back problems and they are NO fun!
Ok, Stacey, so I am a little behind in reading blogs and after posting my own today, I read this and i swear you'd think I stole your thoughts. I can't take a compliment worth a poop and it is so hard for us to see where we really are, but you are looking fabulous...truly!!!
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