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Yesterday, I got a call while I was at work. My cousin, but really, growing up, she was closer than a cousin. She was that cousin. The one you saw as a friend, My mom practically raised her. She babysat her a lot and they were really close. Well, she was working at a convenient store. Got robbed. He had the money, he was at the door and for some unknown reason, he turned around and shot her. Then, walked around the counter and shot her in the face, twice. Why do that? He had the money, she gave it to him with no trouble. I am raw, I hate, I am angry and devastated. She was a ray of sunshine, she was the person you were next to in line that when you walked away, you felt happier. Her laugh was infectious and her smile lit up a room.

And I had to tell my mom. Whenever something happens, I am the one who cannot have grief, it belongs to her. It's always greater for her. When it was my grandfather, it was her dad. When it was my dad, it was her husband. My grandmother, her mom. My grief is always second. I have to take care of her, let her grieve and be her rock. I cry, when I am driving, taking a shower, sleeping. In front of her, I am stone. If I have emotion, it makes her's worse. If I have no emotion, I am unfeeling. I am just never right.

And poor Kelley, I freaked her out without intending too. I just didn't want to have to say the words out loud twice. They are horrific words that no one should have to say. Shot. Murder. No FUCKING reason. None. These people need to be punished, however is most appropriate. I know how I would like it to go down, but it's not up to me.

I will miss you. We all will.