Good or Bad.

I am reading a book called "But I Deserve This Chocolate!: The Fifty Most Common Diet De-railing Excuses and How To Outwit Them" by Susan Albers. She also wrote a book called "Mindful Eating." She has some very good insights into recognizing triggers. I have almost all of her books and the workbook. I find her ideology very interesting and it speaks to me. It might speak to someone else and I hope you will find it interesting.

One idea is that you are not bad, the food is not bad. How we react to it, and with it, is where the work needs to be done. For example, when you drive around a corner and your car sputters, does that mean you are a bad driver or bad car owner? Does that mean the car is bad and you should swear off cars forever and ever amen? No, it simply means that you need to recognize that there is a problem and find out what needs to be done to correct it. 

I think I have shared this story before, but it was a long time ago and I can't remember if I did. So here goes. I was abused as a child, I was an only child and did not really have social skills. Truth be told, I still don't really. I am perfectly fine by myself and tend to be really quiet around other people. But as a kid, I just wanted to have friends. I had been drilled into my head that I was stupid, bad, fat, worthless and no one would ever "really" like me. And I believed it. Combine that with the instinctual desire a child has to protect the abusive parent or parents, because you know you deserved it, and you get a child who just cannot relate on a normal functional level. At the same time, I was at home by myself a lot and my mother would bring home cases of candy bars. So I started eating to feel better, giving them away so other kids would like me and using food as a social skill. I was in third grade at the time. Food became my companion. When I am happy, I want to share it with my friend food. When I am sad, I want to share my sorrows with a big bag of popcorn or chips.  The issue is much like the car. The food itself is not good or bad. But if I don't address the issue, it will have bad consequences. 

A big weight I carried was my dad dying. He died almost twelve years ago and I have just recently forgiven myself for being happy he is gone. My mom has lived with us since he died and has not once even tried to see my point of view regarding the past. She doesn't remember those things. Thing is, she doesn't have to. It won't make things go away. I no longer need her validation, I need my own. 

And you need your own. A quote I heard recently opened my eyes and took the pressure to impress off.  That was "It's none of your business what people think of you." I love that. You can proudly fly your very own freak flag and not have to worry if someone thinks you are strange.