have I been? has my motivation been?
I am really hating this protein shake for breakfast and lunch. I have been doing it for almost a month now and I have only lost 3 pounds. It's insane. I am hungry all the time and go through water like it's going out of style and I just don't think I can do this for another month. I have 13 more pounds to lose before I go back in October and at this rate, it's not happening. He has me at 1000 calories a day and I'm not losing? I don't get it. I am grumpy and down in the dumps about this.
On a non-whiny note, my husband and I went to Tahoe for the weekend for his birthday and had a truely awesome time. I did go off this strict regimen while we were gone and had probably larger dinners and lots of wine. I know this is not good, but therapeutically, it was perfect. I get very VERY talkative when I drink wine, so both Sat&Sun we had wine and talked. I told him things about me and my past that he just didn't know. I really hide myself from everyone. If people knew the real me, they would think I was a well.....I'm not going there. Not today.
I have spent a long time thinking he was no longer attracted to me. I don't feel like I should be so I projected that . He thought the same about how I felt about him. We have "kind of" covered this before, but never to the extent we did this weekend. We talked about stuff we should have been able to talk about way earlier in a 10 yr marriage. But it's out now and I am very glad it is.
On a very sad note, I learned of the death of a blogger I have followed for a long time, just reading, I didn't blog before. When I commented I used my google id or anonymously. He was a great, really insightful guy and had learned so much and shared so much. I don't know why he died, he was only 28. I would assume it is because he had lived too long at dangerously high weights. He started in the mid 600's and had gotten down to almost 500. He was proud of himself. And now he is gone. This hit me really hard. I don't want to wait until it is too late. I will miss him greatly, I will miss his sharing what he learned and encouraging us all to do the same.
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3 comments:
I am sorry about your blog bud. *HUGS*
I'm so glad to see that you are back. I'm sorry, can you remind me why you are on such a low caloric diet. Last I remember the surgeon didn't want to do weight loss surgery and I think you were looking to get a second opinion.
He put me on this to get some weight off because I told him that I maintain at 1200 calories. He told me to drop to 1000. I am going back on October 5th to see him again. He said he would do the surgery and I transferred to him. I am not sure when he will schedule it though.
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